Over 30 and don't want kids!

Just having a rant really. I'm 33 and me and my husband have always said we don't want children. I never have and haven't ever seen my future with kids in it, my husband feels exactly the same.

Back to my rant! I'm sick of other people presuming that I will have them, even if we say "were not having kids" the reply has always been "oh of course you will" I recently went to a party where there were lots of couples our age we'd never met before and the conversation always came back to the same thing. We'd been discussing buying a house in the countryside and once we mentioned this they told us that we would be narrow minded to look in that area due to lack of schools and that when I give up my job to have children I would get lonely! there was a silence that was as if I'd announced I had three eyes when I said were not planning on them.

Anyway rant over, if anyone else is In this position id love to hear from them.

me! Me!

I have always said that I wouldn't have kids. When I met my husband, I was a bit worried that he did want kids (he did when we met at 19), but in growing older he has become less keen (when we moved to a residential/family area he went off the idea!) and while he is great with kids and would be a great dad, I just don't think I could cope with the huge lifestyle changes needed to accommodate them. I have tried to prepare myself in case things change, but the whole process turns my stomach and not getting enough sleep is never a good thing.

I have seen so many friends and family change their lives for children and I am afraid I don't see any incentive to do the same. I have three beautiful nieces and two young cousins too. Maybe I am selfish by not wanting to change, but it is worse surely, to bring someone into the world just because that is what is expected.

Friends constantly try to change my mind, and it is a bit annoying at times, and one said recently that as you get older, it is something that you end up constantly rethinking, even if it is always the same decision and I think that is exactly how I feel. I am more considerate as I get older, just in case! But I am 34 now and can't see it happening any time soon.

I can't say that I have had the same reaction as you MLP. If anything it is the other way around ,as I am always visibly shocked when people I meet say they have kids especially if they have more than one. And even moreso if they are younger than me! Don't let it get you down. Everyone has different values and ambitions so just reinforce everything you will be able to do without children!

I'm over 40 and I still don't want them! 

My brother has 4 and I'm exhausted when I leave his household...

 I think people just make assumptions based on their own lifestyle - I'm forever being referred to as "Mrs" yet I've never been married - people just assume because you're of a certain age that you must be married.  I think it's the same about assuming you should want to have kids (because they do).

 Very few of my fiends have children so I think it's definitely a "lifestyle" choice that's on the increase.   Just take a deep breath and tell them about your lovely holidays... 

Thanks for the response, it's good to hear I'm not alone! I do get shocked when I hear that my collage friends are having kids so i supose it works both ways!

It true everyone does have different ambitions and I'm very happy with my life choices. I think I just met a lot of people with the same reactions recently and to be honest it shocked me a bit. I do however have many close friends with children or who want them who are quite understanding to the fact that were not all the same!

Thanks again

Morning ladies

I'm in the over-30-don't-want-kids gang too. I've had this niggling feeling that I'm going to change my mind some day soon. I'm 32 and I think 'when I'm 34 it might be different' but, to be honest, I hope I don't change my mind! I had a pregnancy scare a while ago and I was hysterically sobbing and screaming. I said to my partner that at least I know that I don't want children.

My two best friends feel the same way too. We're all in long-term relationships and have no intention of getting married either. One of my friends doesn't want to bring a child into this world.

My mum has been on at having grand children and has resigned herself to know that she has, and will only have, two lovely grand-dogs. I'm an only child so I don't have any siblings to rely on.

I have a saying that adulthood begins once you have a child. Maybe I just don't want to grow up.

Take care xx

Sign me up for this club

I'm 32 and don't want kids.  My partner (soon to be husband in 8 weeks) feels the same.  We have a great life and a very loving relationship, and I don't wish to change a thing.  We have a cat which fits in very nicely with out lifestyle.  We enjoy travelling a lot, and society tends to frown on people who abandon their kids to go on holiday, whilst leaving a cat for 2 weeks at the local cattery is perfectly acceptable.

 I agree with JEvans - surely it's worse to have kids just because everyone else expects you to.

Will i regret this descision when I'm in my 60s+?  If I do, then I'll just have to remember that at the time I felt it was the right decision.  Who's to say people that do have children don't have regrets too?

Either way, I will stick by the decision I have made, taking comfort from the large cocktail I'm sipping on my 7th Caribbean cruise (I'm not paying to raise kids so I'll be able to afford it!!)

I have a friend who doesn't think she will have kids either, and we were saying perhaps we'll be having lunch one day in 30 years time and we'll both go "damn. Should have had kids" but I have lots of friends, lots without kids (as well as those with!) and I figure I will always have a friend to go and see if I have some time to fill.... See! I have no idea what kids are about - presumably they aren't about 'filling time'...!!

Why do people have kids?

I am going to keep my options open though. I'm not saying definitely never. I'm just saying I very much doubt it. I was interested to see Cari-Su having a scare and your reaction suggesting you didn't want it. I often wonder what I would be like if I had a scare. My worry is that the maternal gene would kick in which would be the biggest scare of all! I think that would perhaps be the only way i would have kids actually, if it were an accident. Hmm....

Blimey, this is all a bit deep for a Tuesday!

Phew I feel better thanks everyone! and Suzanne you might just bump in to me on that cruise! Here's to not growing up, going on lovely holidays and drinking cocktails!

I'll drink to that too MLP!
I'm not even 30 yet and have always said to myself I don't want kids. I have a nephew and a niece, both are cute but am I selfish to say that I have no emotion towards kids?? Within the past 10 yrs or so I have tried to put in alot of effort into getting in shape (gym/personal trainers/beauty treatments etc) and I'm still not happy with my body, so I cannot imagine how I'd feel if I ever got pregnant....imagine feeling depressed and you can't even have that glass of wine to relax just cos you have a bump?! NO way do I wanna ruin my body!

My only worry would be that one day all my friends would be too busy with their kids to hang out with me...

If I had kids there would be no way that I would have been able to travel around or move abroad to work like I have now. Here's to no nappy changing too! x

PS. my friend recommended a book called 'Childfree and loving it' - has anyone read it?

I just Googled 'Childfree and Loving It' and this is what I found:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1168904/I-career-women-boasted-childless---puppy-sent-maternal-instinct-overdrive.html


This sums up my thoughts:

'I hated the prospect of a sitting room full of plastic toys and food mashed into the carpet.
'I feared the insularity of conversations that ran no deeper than 'we went to play in the park today' or 'she had a good sleep but didn't eat her tea'.'

Has anyone read We Need to Talk About Kevin? There is a page in there where the woman telling the story lists all the reasons she didn't want children and I agreed with them all.

Then on the next page she said "of course this just means I am a horrible person"...  or words to that effect! It was like a slap in the face having felt I was starting to connect to the character!!! 

I think my problem is that I am a control freak. My poor husband puts up with a lot (though I have to say, all my friends have the same problems, so I think men just need to tow the line a bit more, right ladies?? ) and I would probably do myself a mischief trying to keep everything in check with a little babber on my shoulder too.

When I was 13 or 14 all I wanted to be was a babysitter (anyone else a fan of The Babysitter Club books?). My dad had a friend who needed a babysitter so I went around to meet the kids. I had to watch a kid jump around on a trampoline and nearly fall off several times (I almost had a heart attack!), and then admire the waterproof bedding for the little boy, in case I needed to change the bed. I was trying really hard to be a good potential babysitter, but the mother must have seen something in me. I was never hired.

OMG a whole number of girls with the same view as me... I was beginning to think I was the only person left with these views.

 I am 33 and have never wanted to have children and I cant see me changing my mind, also I'm not to fussed about ever getting married. I have a very happy relationship with a lovely fella whom I live with and we enjoy life to the full.

However all my friends are settling down (as they call it) and getting married/having babies and no one (apart from me) wants to do anything so I am really struggling to find girlie chums to do anything with apart from go to their houses for coffee (yawn).

Problem comes now that everyone thinks I'm the freak! I even overheard a group of my friends discussing me the other day... saying "oh isnt it sad that Rebecca cant have kids"

Keep strong girls.... we might feel different to the "norm" but we are all unique and beautiful...

 Reb xx

I'm not even 30 yet and I don't want kids and it may sound strange but I have said this for as long as I can remember. I remember not too long ago I had a bit of a life evaluation when I realised that most people who I went to school/college with have nearly all had kids and got married and even though I think their kids are lovely and I don't mind looking after my friends kids I feel a great sense of relief when its time to hand them back. I really don't think my mind will change any time soon with regards to not having kids and plus I have a lovely 3 year old dog and that's about as much responsibility as I need.

I'm 31, and never wanted to have kids. I have a husband who 8 years ago shared my attitude but 3 years after we started our relationship he changed his opinion and wants them, only because of his parents and friends pressure, what ever, I still don't. I think he lied at the first place and just waited for me to change my mind. I don't know why some people think that decision of not wanting kids is immature. I'm not gonna ''grow up'', I have reasons for not wanting kids and the world will not fall apart if I don't. Why partners always want to change one another??? Anyway, we broke up, because I don't want him to wait for something I don't know if I'll ever want and I don't want to live with a person who's life mission is to change me. Maybe I'll regret it, maybe I wont but I think a person should always listen to her heart and not the people around.

From an obsession with cleanliness, tidiness and organisation to an obsession with travelling. Kids will never fit into my lifestyle and that suits me fine. When people say 'you'll want them some day'..the reply they get is (solemn face) 'I can't look after myself, never mind kids'...not true but everyone seems to fall for it and they seem to feel guilty for putting me in a position that I have to put myself down! They bow their heads in embarrassment and quickly change the subject or make an excuse to leave! Sorted!

I'm not alone!! I'm so glad I've found this forum.

I'm 30 and have been married for 5 years, and my husband and I don't want children. We like children, but have no desire to have our own. Our nephews (although adorable) are hard work and part of me is always pleased to leave.

I completely agree that it is tiring when people say 'Oh, you'll want them one day'. How do they know what my husband and I want?. I'm still waiting for this apparent 'broody' feeling women get, but nothing, infact I'm getting worse and have no interest in other peoples pregnancy or babies and I doubt I'll change my mind.

We have 4 cats, and I consider them hard enough work at times, although they are beautiful. I love my job and I have worked very hard to make it a career and I am not giving it up.

This forum has put a smile on my face and made my day. Thank you.

Heres to not growing up and having the freedom to do exactly what I want in my free time.

Good for you ladies! My reaction is a little bit more severe to the "oh you'd be a great mum", "of course you'll change your mind" and "oh you just haven't met the right person", - my reaction is an overwhelming desire to punch them in the face. I know it sounds harsh but I don't tell them how I want them to live their lives, I don't expect them to want or like everything I do in, I respect them as they are. A little common courtesy and mutual respect goes a long way. And no Rebecca it's not sad that you don't want them and have made a choice not to Have them, it is sad that your friends translate this into - Rebecca CAN'T have kids. I would prefer to continue my life without Thomas the Tank Engine being the only thing on the tv menu, mushy food and pooh habits as conversation and coffee the only beverage of choice.

I was beginning to think I was a bit abnormal until I found this!

Most of my friends have settled down and some are even on their 3rd child!

I always thought I wouldn't want kids until I hit 34 (no idea why that number...) but I can't see me ever changing my mind.

I guess my only problem is meeting guys - they all seem to want kids and I don't see the point in getting past a coffee as it'll only lead to heartache down the road if I don't change my mind. Looks like I'm staying single for a while yet!

You're definitely not abnormal.  I've just started finding and reading more about child free.  I'd made the decision years ago, but as I've gotten older, the comments and pressure have gradually increased and so I started looking around for like minded individuals.  There are definitely a ton of them out there.  My favorite is www.babyoffboard.com in case you're interested.

I am 27 and in a long term relationship but also don't want children.  Most of my friends have children and they also ask me if I will have children, even people I work with or my boyfriend's friends (which I always find uncomfortable because they all have children too) - it's like you reach an age and time when people start to ask this and they are always shocked to find out that I do not want children.  I don't know what the huge deal is, and agree with everyone on here, it's not right for everyone.  I have 3 nephews and a niece and my partner also has a little girl, I love them all but I just can't see myself having children for many different reasons.  There are a couple of things that I know I will miss out on if I do not have children (no not child birth!  Sorry but it doesn't appeal to me at all) the wonderful relationship I have with my mum and also the possibility of drifting apart from friends that have children, like worrying that they won't want to see me because I do not have children for their children to play with as they grow up.  Even though I'm aware of these issues it still does not make me want to have children.  But reading this back to myself my reasons are nothing to do with the children, like I'm going to miss bringing up a child etc, really it is just not for me and I'm pleased to also read I am not the only one.

Thanks